Lovely Nuisance
by AizenLover529
Summary: AU. Ulquiorra loves peace and quiet but that changes when he gets some new and outrageously loud neighbors. But at least one of them has common sense. UlquiorraIchigo. One-shot


**Hello my lovely readers! I have created this story for my very good friend Patd06! She has a birthday coming up and what better way to celebrate than to write a one shot of her choosing! Yay, isn't this fun?! Well, happy early birthday buddy! I hope you enjoy the story and the rest of you all too! I do not own Bleach.**

XoXoXOXoXoX

They're doing it again. Every weekend it's the same damn thing. Party, party this and party, party that. Screw that! I don't ask for much. A little peace and quiet, that's all. Is that so wrong? After working five days a week, just one weekend of quietness? I guess it is because I never get it. I should probably introduce myself, my name is Ulquiorra Cifer. I'm 28 years of age, I work at a very successful law firm, I make a pretty decent living, I have a rather large house, and I live in a respectable neighborhood. Well, I used to. That all changed when _they_ moved here. Those creatures called _neighbors._

_**Three Months Ago**_

It was an ordinary day, if I recall correctly. Birds singing happily, the sun shining brightly through my curtains, the large moving truck outside the vacant house next door. Wait, what? Why is there a moving truck outside?

"What in the world is going on here?" I mutter to myself. I wasn't expecting someone to answer my question. I have common sense; I can tell someone was moving into that house. I don't approve of people moving into that house but I didn't pay for it so it not my say on who gets to live there.

I watched as two relatively young men lift a sofa out of the moving truck. Although they seem to be having some difficulty.

"Watch what the fuck you're doing Renji! You almost made me drop this heavy motherfucker on my foot." The blue haired male grunts as he backs slowly down the ramp.

"Shut up, I'm trying. Maybe if you walked a little slower I could keep up with you." The man the seemed to be known as Renji grunted back. I could easily see the blue haired man growing angrier by the second.

"I shouldn't have to walk slower if you would just keep up. Now lift your end higher. No, not like that. Ugh, are you stupid or something!?"

"Fine, you handle it then!" Renji says as he drops his end, successfully hurting his companion. The blue haired man howls in pain as he cradles his foot.

"What the fuck you piece of shit!? I'm gonna fucking kill you!" With that threat he runs after the tall red head. Renji dodges and ducks at every way the blue haired man might follow. He then decides to hop the fence into my yard, crushing my perfectly planted flowers as he does so. And that is where I draw my line. I walk out of my house and close the door behind me gently. While the two men are laughing and running happily over my grass, they fail to notice my presence. That is, until I make myself known. I grab the red head by his collar and trip the other, causing him to fall face first.

"Ow, what the hell is your problem!?" I look down at the man stationed on the ground with indifference.

"I could ask you the same thing. Why are you running on my yawn and destroying my flowers?" I feel the man I have in my grasp struggle a little.

"Let me go, man! You have no right to do this."

"Oh but I do. You hop the fence to get to my property and run across my grass, destroy my flowers, and disrupt my peace and quiet. Tell me something young man; does this look like the forest to you?" They both stare at me with confusion and exchange looks for a moment before the red head speaks up.

"Uh, no?"

"Precisely. So that means you do not get to frolic carelessly on other people's property. You are not Bambi nor are you a child. Act your age and stay on your own property. This _will_ be the last warning." I tell them firmly. I release the man and he straightens himself out. I do hope I made myself clear. I turn to walk away from the situation at hand but I'm called back by those barbarians.

"Hold on just one minute! You can't talk to us like that!" The blue haired man yelled.

"Or put your hands on us! Do you know what we could do to you, freak?" I turn around to face them. I'm not the least bit concerned or intimidated by them but I decide to humor myself a little.

"By all means, do tell." I see the blue haired one smirk and stand to his feet. He's taller than me but I'm sure he's not nearly as strong as I am. I draw one hand from my pocket, ready to defend or attack if the time should come.

"You got one hell of a smart mouth. Hey, Renji, maybe this guy needs a good ass kicking."

"You know, I think you're right, Grimm." At this point they're both grinning madly. I can't say I like the way things are going. They begin to charge at me but I hear a voice just before I can ready myself. To my displeasure, I'm hit in the face by the blue haired one while I'm distracted by the hypnotic voice coming closer. I manage to dodge the red head though.

"What the hell do you think you guys are doing!?" The voice yells. Out of nowhere an orange haired young man comes running around the fence and towards the other men before me with amazing speed. He's holding something in his hand but I can't see it as he hits the two men roughly on the head.

"Oww, ow! Ichi, what the hell?" Renji hollers.

"Yeah, like what the fuck? Why'd you hit us?"

"Are you guy's crazy? Starting a fight with our neighbor and we just moved here? Are you serious!?" He scolds.

"But Ichigo, he started it." He's not listening anymore. He walks over and examines me. I pull my face away from his hand.

"You're lip is bleeding."

"I'm well aware. This would not have happened if they had stayed in their yard." He flinches slightly at my tone. He bows his head lowly.

"I'm very sorry about their behavior but at least let me tend to your lip."

"I'm fine."

"Come on Ichi, if he says he's fine then he's fine." The blue haired man says. _Ichigo _turns around and hits him with the object from earlier.

"You shut up. I just know this is your fault."

"Is that a rolled up newspaper?" I ask curiously.

"This? Oh, yeah. Sometimes it helps to treat them like the animals that they are. Heh Heh." He laughs.

"I see. I'll keep that in mind." I mumble to myself as I glare at the blue haired one.

"Anyway come on, I'll just wipe up the blood and you can be on your way." He gives me a look I can't refuse. So I don't. He takes my hand and leads me into the house that I assume is his. I'm not surprised by the inside; it's just like mine; 5 rooms, 2 bathrooms, and a spacious living room. It does seem bigger because it's lacking furniture but that's not important at the moment. Ichigo sits me down on a crate turned upside down as his wipes my lip clean. Once he's done he stands up straight and smiles, and what a beautiful smile it is.

"Once again I'm sorry about the way they acted. It won't happen again."

"Hn.."

"So, you're our neighbor?"

"If you don't mind me asking, how can you afford a place like this? It's certainly not cheap."

"Ah well, I'm Ichigo Kurosaki and my dad is a doctor and a pretty good one at that. Grimmjow's dad is business owner, and Renji's dad is an entrepreneur of sorts, kind of." He explains as he points to Grimmjow and Renji.

"I see. Earlier you said our neighbor. Do you live with your family?" I ask. He rubs the back of his head sheepishly.

"No. These two are my roommates, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques and Renji Abarai. I believe you've met them already. We have another roommate but he's out right now to get the rest of our things. His name is Gin Ichimaru."

"Ichimaru? Roommate?"

"Uh yeah, you know him?"

"Unfortunately. He works at the same law firm as I do."

"Ah, you work at Kyoka Suigetsu too? Small world." I must say any attractions I may have had for this boy died just now. Not only is he roommates with those two idiots but he's also associated with that Ichimaru. He must act like those three. I knew there was something off with him. But still, he's peaked my interest.

"How old are you, boy?"

"Well, I'm 20, Grimmjow here is 21, and Renji is 21 as well."

"I see. Well then how about telling your roommates to act their age instead of running around like animals."

"Hey, I already said sorry about that. There's not much else I can do."

"And another thing, tell that Ichimaru to stay away from my property as well. I don't need any more trash littering around here."

"If you're gonna talk shit about my friends in front of me, you can get the hell out of here."

"Then good day to you."

_**The Present**_

And ever since that day, they've irritated the life out of me. I can never get a moments peace. They have a party every weekend. They don't miss a beat either. It seems I made the right choice not to pursue the orange haired beauty name Ichigo. He's just as bad as his roommates if he's drunk enough.

Even as we speak they're making noise. I know I won't be able to relax and finish this book I had been reading. I'll just go water my plants and take a dip in my pool.

I change out of my lounging clothes and put of my swimming trunks. Once that task is out of the way I make my way outside. Watering my flowers is one of my favorite passing times. It's relaxing and it gives me time to think. I normally start from the backyard and make my way to the front and today is no different. The only problem is that Kurosaki is outside. I want no contact with him. He'll only annoy me.

When I make it to the front of the yard I'm immediately appalled by the sight I see. Beer cans, empty bottles, vomit on my precious flowers, and is that someone's bra? This is why I hate them. Always leaving their trash on my lawn after every fucking party. I can never enjoy my saturday's because I'm always picking up _their_ trash. I'm sick of it! I stop myself from getting any angrier because I know it won't solve anything. I take deep breaths and count to ten, something I've learned to do in the last three months.

I pick up the trash calmly, place it in the trash bin, and walk in my backyard for a dip in my pool. Maybe that will ease my aching nerves. I walk on the side of my house avoiding eye contact with Kurosaki.

"Good morning Ulquiorra." He says cheerfully as he washes his car. I stop and glare at him, then keep moving. I seriously want nothing to do with him.

XoXoXOXoXoX

"What's his problem today?" I ask myself. I've lived here for about three months now and ever since our first encounter Ulquiorra has hated me. I can't blame him though, none of my roommates made the best impressions that day. Not even Gin and he wasn't even at the house at the time. But still, I've tried to apologize on several occasions but he just won't listen. I even tried to apologize when I yelled at him for talking about my friends.

"I don't know what else to do…" I mumble lowly.

"Let it go, Ichi. If he still wants to be an asshole, then so be it. We haven't done anything wrong since we moved in. If he wants to be bitter about getting hit in the face, then I say let him." Grimmjow says from his spot near the pool.

Of course he wouldn't understand why Ulquiorra's mad all the time. We throw parties every weekend. Not to disturb him but to have a little fun. College is hard work. I've invited him to just about all our parties but he never shows up. I guess he doesn't like people or maybe he just doesn't like to socialize. I can see how our parties would make a non-socializing person angry. Loud music, drunken people, and fucked up lawn in the morning. Yeah, I can see how that could make him angry.

"Grimmjow, I highly doubt that's why he doesn't like any of us but it probably does play a role to some degree. Besides, you should've seen the glare he gave me just now. Talk about scary."

"He's probably just pissy about the trash we left on his lawn from yesterday's party."Renji says as he walks out of the patio door with Gin by his side.

"I thought I told you to get that up!"

"I was! But then I got distracted…" He announces with a blush on his face while looking at Gin. Gin only leers back at Renji. I got the deeper meaning of that look and decided not to push any further.

"Whatever, you still should have done something."

"Who cares, the trash is gone and it's not important. What is important is this party for your 21st birthday Ichi. It's gonna be so sick. We are going to get you _so_ fucked up. Even more than last night!" Grimmjow tells me as he throws his fist in the air.

"Hell yeah!" They talk endlessly about the party in honor of my 21st birthday but I'm not listening. It's just background noise now. I'm too busy looking at Ulquiorra lying on the lawn chair looking so handsome. Ugh, he's so hot that I can't stand it but what else can I do. He barely looks in my direction and when he does he's glaring at me.

"It's hopeless."

"Is it?" Gin asks from behind me.

"Ahh! Don't do that! You scared the life outta me for a second." I screech as I punch his arm.

"Seriously Ichi. Invite him, maybe he'll come this time."

"I doubt it."

"Ask and find out." Gin tells me as he walks away. I hate it when he got like that. Like he knows everything. But it's worth a shot.

"Hey Ulquiorra!" I yell from my side of the fence. He doesn't say anything for a moment but decides to answer me.

"What is it that you want, Kurosaki?"

"N-Nothing much, I was just wondering if you wanted come to my birthday party tonight. It'll be fun."

"Birthday party you say? If I come, will you stop inviting me to any of your future parties?"

"Only one way to find out, I guess." He sighs and runs a hand through his inky black hair.

"I'll think about it." He says as he walks inside his house.

"See, Ichi he didn't say yes." Renji said.

"But he didn't say no either, my love." Gin chimes from the pool. I continue to think of all the possibilities I could think of involving Ulquiorra. Mostly thoughts about my hands in his hair as I ride him-

"Ichigo, why are you watering your seats?" Grimmjow asks while raising a smug eyebrow.

"Ahh shit!"

_**Later That Night**_

I nod my head to Dancing in the Dark by Dev as I watch the door, waiting for any signs of Ulquiorra. As usual the house is packed with people I know and some I don't but I don't mind.

"Great party Ichigo. Oh and Happy fucking birthday!" Keigo screams as he walks away with the lamp shade on his head. Everyone cheers and laughs at the sight and even I chuckle a little.

"Come on Ichi, have fun. It's your birthday so I made you a little somethin' somethin'!" Renji yells over the loud music. He hands me a red plastic cup with a drink inside that I can't identify.

"What is it?"

"Don't worry about that. Just drink up and enjoy your birthday. Don't drink too many of those, now." He warns. I shrug my shoulders and place my lips on the rim of the cup, lightly tipping it up. It's fruity. I like it.

"Come on drink it!" Renji yells as he pushes the drink further down my throat. I choke some on but I'll live.

"Renji what the hell?" I shriek. I was prepared to yell at him but he was already gone. I look around to see where he went but I didn't want to leave the spot I was in just in case Ulquiorra came. But it doesn't look too likely as much as I hate to admit it, so I leave to enjoy the party.

XoXoXOXoXoX

"I can't believe I'm actually going to humor this boy by going to his party, but if it will keep him from asking in the future…" I mutter as I head next door. Before I even step foot in the house I can see drunken idiots laid out on the walk way.

"Shameful." I step over the intoxicated people, open the door and the scent of alcohol, sweat, and cologne attacks my nose instantly. I cringe at the smell but it's nothing I can't handle. The music is loud as I navigate my way through the crowded house, occasionally bumping a few people.

"I see you made it, Ulqui!"

"Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? It's Ulquiorra. Say the whole things or don't say it at all." I tell Gin. He laughs as usual.

"So what brings you here?"

"The promise of no more invitations to these stupid parties."

"Are you sure that's the reason?"

"Yes, it is. Now go away."

"Fine, fine. You enjoy the party now." He sings as he skips away. I don't know where this man gets his energy. I continue to search for Ichigo but with how many people are here, I don't think I'll find him anytime soon so I walk to the patio.

"I'll just have to wait until the party dies down."

XoXoXOXoXoX

"Chug, chug, chug, chug! Yeah! Go Ichigo!" The party goers cheer. I decided to enjoy myself since Ulquiorra didn't show. Once the two men holding me upside down flipped me upright, I wobbled off to find more of the fruity drink Renji gave me. I was already feeling tipsy and I can tell it'll only get worse as time passes.

_**Two Hours Later**_

"Great party Ichigo!"

"See you next week bro!"

"Bye Ichigo. Call me if you ever want to have a good time." Some random girl says as the guest leave one by one. I can barely function properly as I hold myself up against Grimmjow's strong frame. Once the last guest leaves and the door closes, I let out a sigh.

"Ah damn that was fun, right Ichi?" Grimmjow asks. I don't remember Grimmjow being so attractive. He leads me to the living room couch to sit down.

"I can tell you hand fun." I nod my head slightly, ignoring the warm feeling in my head. I look over at Grimmjow and he smiles at me. And for some odd reason I can't explain, I'm kissing him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ichi! You're drunk. I can't do that to you, come on. Stop before this gets out of hand."

"But Grimm, it's so hot! Please, just kiss me a little. Please?" It's not like we haven't done it before.

"Aw fuck. Alright but that's it." I smirk and crawl on Grimmjow's lap. I wasted no time kissing him. I could feel myself grinding into him but I couldn't stop. Everything just felt so good. Grimmjow nips at my lip lightly and I groan.

"Well what's going on here?" I hear Gin ask. I pull off of Grimmjow and smile.

"Hi Gin!"

"Well someone's drunk." Renji says as he plops down on the love seat. Gin sits down on his lap and gives me a toothless smirk.

"And where were you two?" Grimmjow asks them.

"Oh nowhere special." Gin replies. Grimmjow shrugs and turns back to face me.

"You wanna go upstairs and finish this?" I nod my head vigorously. I stand on my feet and sway a bit but eventually collect myself. I grab Grimmjow's hand to steady myself.

"I didn't know you and the barbarian were an item." I hear a familiar voice say.

"Ulquiorra! You came!"

"Yes. I did."

"Yeah that's fantastic and all but we got shit to handle, so if you could move that'd be great." Grimmjow tells him.

"I refuse." The next few moments of Ulquiorra and Grimmjow arguing are a blur because I feel myself falling. The room just suddenly got hotter.

"Ichigo? Are you okay?" Renji asks as Gin leans me against his chest.

"It's so hot. Mmm."

"Uh Ichi, any particular reason you got a hard on?" Gin asks me quietly. Renji looks away guiltily.

"Renji did you give him somethin'?"

"Well not on purpose. It's just, um."

"Out with it."

"Szayel gave me some pills before the party started and I put them in the punch liquor. I forgot to ask him what it was though. But I told him not to drink too much of it!"

"Give him here." I look over at Ulquiorra. He pulls me against his chest.

"Are you alright Kurosaki?" He outs his hand on my chin and lifts it up so I'm looking up at him.

"Ulquiorra, fuck me." He seems thrown off by my comment but recovers fast.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" I don't answer. Instead I kiss him deeply, enough to showed my desperation.

"What about me?"

"Just shut up and watch, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow pouts but does as he's told. I undo my belt and hurriedly pull down my pants releasing my painful erection. Ulquiorra continues to kiss me as I take off his button up, popping off each button as I open the shirt. He pulls away from me and studies me.

"I had no clue you could look so scandalized Kurosaki."

"Ichigo. Just call me Ichigo."

"Okay then, Ichigo." The way he says my name has me going crazy. I'm practically going mad with lust. He's just so sexy. I wrap my arms around his neck and me pushes me down on the wooden floor roughly, connecting our lips once more. He pulls his pants down until his erection can be seen as well. I then hear Grimmjow whistle.

"Had no clue you'd be so big. Guess big things come in little packages." He groans lustfully. Ulquiorra didn't bother to respond and he lifted up my shirt and sucked harshly on my nipples.

"Mmm Fuck. More!" He went further down, giving light kisses along my body until he was at my hip bone where he bit into the flesh there.

"Ha, nghn yes! Please Ulquiorra keep going." I moan lustfully. Something in Ulquiorra must have snapped because he wasted no time sucking me. He licked around the base to the tip before putting it in his mouth. I give a sharp intake of breath as he inserts a finger while he began to descend further down my cock.

"Ooh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"I've never seen Ichi so far gone. S'kinda hot. Don't you think Renji?" Gin asks. Renji smiles mischievously as he continues to watch me. I grip my hand in Ulquiorra's hair roughly, surely pulling out some follicles. He doesn't look like he minds though. I look up hazily at Grimmjow who is palming his growing erection and that's enough for me to get a move on.

"I'm ready, just hurry up. Oh god, nghn!" Ulquiorra doesn't question me as he sits me against his chest again. He rubs slow tantalizing circles against my hole. My eyes widen as he begins to push inside me.

"I-Ichigo, are you alright?" I can't bring myself to answer his question, it feels too good. Ulquiorra isn't too concerned because he continues to penetrate me until he's at the hilt. He gives no warning as he begins to thrust. The voice that I had lost a few moments ago found its way back to me.

"OH my god! Ulqui! Ulqui! Mmm, more!" I could feel every thrust. It felt so good. I'm so full.

"Ichigo, fuck. Your walls are like silk. Damn it feels good." He grunts out with each thrust he makes. I can look across the room and see my roommate staring at me intensely, lust swirling in their eyes. Grimmjow, now rubbing his erection and Gin licking up Renji's neck while he gropes himself. It's so unnerving but they won't stop.

"S-Stop staring. Mmm, hnn. Ngh Ulquiorr-Ulquiorra." I could feel my eyes easing into the back of my head. I then hear Grimmjow laugh.

"It's amazing how much of a slut you turn into when you've got dick shoved inside you. It feel it good, huh Ichigo? Having emo boys' dick inside you, hitting your pleasure button, over and over again? You never make that face when I fuck you. I'm a little jealous. How about you help me out too, yeah?" Grimmjow's amazing dirty talk was turning me on even more, Ulquiorra too. I could feel him twitch inside me. Grimmjow then grabs my hand and leads it to his erection. I grip it and begin to stroke it, while throwing my head back against Ulquiorra's chest as I use my free hand to cover my mouth from any more of my endless moans from slipping out.

"I-I can't, it's too much. Ulqui-Ulquiorra stop. Ah, ah! Please, n-no more! I-I! ULQUIORRA!" I scream as I shoot streams of cum from my untouched cock. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow cum around the sametime. Ulquiorra thrust a few more seconds before pulling out completely, his semen dripping from my ass onto his pants. Not like I cared though.

It's quiet for a moment, the room only filled with panting and slight groans.

"That was fuckin' sexy!" Renji exclaims.

"Yes, I have to agree on that one." Gin says as he opens one eye. I don't respond immediately because I'm still catching my breath but I nod my head. Ulquiorra is currently resting his head on my shoulder. And Grimmjow, well he's currently grinning like he met the president.

"It was real fun Ichi." Grimmjow says. Suddenly Ulquiorra picks me up and walks towards the door.

"H-Hey where are you taking me!?"

"To my house. I'm not done with you yet."

"I need to clean. This feels gross."

"You can clean at my house."

"B-But!"

"It doesn't matter what you say. You _are_ coming to my house."

"Guys! Do something!" Gin only waves goodbye as Ulquiorra walks out of the door.

"Bye Ichi! Happy Birthday!" Gin cheers.

"I hate all of you!" I scream as Grimmjow closes the door.

**And I'm done! I really hope my buddy likes this! She specifically asked for this pairing and I couldn't say no. I liked this and I hope you all do to. Again, Happy early Birthday to my friend Patd06, I want to know everything you found funny in this story, okay? I really hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading. Until next time, Bye-Bye!**


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